I Am Knot M. Pressed

The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades (Or A Body Cast)

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 17:06:37 GMT

And they say the children are our future. As if the world wasn't in enough trouble already. If this video is any indication, I think it's safe to say we're screwed!

MySpace Whores

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 02:40:11 GMT

A Sunday Sermon

Mon, 14 Aug 2006 01:30:20 GMT

This is the funniest freak I have ever seen! linkage

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 21:46:09 GMT

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards....

I got a full house, and four people died.

The more i practice, the luckier i get.

Yee-Haw!

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 06:51:48 GMT

Brokeback On Ice!

Strange News

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 22:41:33 GMT

Sex Dungeon "Master' Charged With Animal Cruelty

THONOTOSASSA, Fla. (AP) - A man who called himself "Master Troy" has been charged with operating a whips-and-chains sex dungeon in his home where customers could hire prostitutes and even a dog.

"People have all sorts of fantasies," Terry Lynn Thomas said after he was arrested in a raid Thursday. "That's one of the things I help them out with."

Thomas, 48, was charged with racketeering, prostitution and pornography offenses as well as animal cruelty.

The raid came after an undercover detective responded to a magazine advertisement about the dungeon in this rural Tampa suburb.

Three women were arrested along with Thomas on similar charges.

The raid also netted pornographic tapes Thomas allegedly had for rent. Investigators said some tapes involved exotic animals such as eels, anteaters and water buffalo.

Great-Grandma Dominatrix Gets Dungeon Tools Returned by Police

SANTA ANA, Calif. - A great-grandmother dominatrix has beaten the system.

On Thursday, authorities returned whips, chains and other bondage tools seized during a raid on the residential dungeon of Betty Davis.

"I love them. They're just my play toys," Davis, 60, told reporters. She brandished a cat o' nine tails with plastic lashes, explaining "This is for someone who enjoys a little sting on their butts."

Davis wore black tights, a black see-through blouse and high heels as she picked up the bondage items from the Orange County Sheriff's Department, where they had sat in the property room for months.

Davis, who claims to have 12 grandchildren and two great-grandchildren, was arrested on Feb. 2 for investigation of soliciting prostitution after an undercover sheriff's deputy answered an ad in a bondage magazine and was led blindfolded to her townhouse.

But prosecutors refused to charge her for lack of evidence. Davis has fought ever since to get back $20,000 worth of bondage items - including the whips and chains - seized at the time of her arrest.

The Orange County district attorney's office also investigated an earlier incident in which a man died at the end of a dog leash attached to a wall in Davis' home.

The death was ruled accidental and no charges were filed.

Davis' lawyer, Tom Tanana, said Davis offered a therapeutic service that didn't include sex.

Davis said she doesn't plan to resume using her "toys" anytime soon.

"No, I'm just going to sit and look at them," she said.

"As long as they're sitting around, I'll be comfortable."

Chair Tester Sits Around on the Job

MONROE, Mich. (AP) - Mike Pixley can work up a sweat just by sitting down on the job.

You might say he's the lazy boy of La-Z-Boy Chair Co.

A senior studying aeronautical engineering at the University of Michigan, Pixley is paid $6 an hour to test a variety of La-Z-Boy chairs. In other words, he comes to work, sits down, leans back and then relaxes forward.

All day long.

"I think a lot of people think it's easier than it actually is," Pixley told The Blade of Toledo, Ohio.

During the summer of '93 - his first with the Monroe-based furniture maker - Pixley lost 18 pounds.

"You can work up a sweat after the first hour or two," said Pixley, 20, who reads to dull the monotony. He says his calf and abdominal muscles get a workout.

Since May 1, he has logged 200,000 cycles on one love seat alone. He averages about 2,800 deep rocks a day, said test lab supervisor Judy Fay.

"He'll do 2.5 million, easy, before we're finished," she said.

Finding the right slacker for the job wasn't easy, said Fay, whose ideal hire weighs 180 to 200 pounds and stands at least 6 feet tall. Fay tested about 24 people in the last several years, but few sat around as well as Pixley.

"I want someone who's self-motivated, who won't get bored, who sets their own personal goals," Fay said.

Misfortunes Plague 5-Year-Old Boy's Funeral

LOWELL, N.C. (AP) - Even 5-year-old Ronald Lee Dixon's funeral had a tragic ending.

Ronald, who would have attended kindergarten this fall, drowned in a swimming pool at a church group outing last Wednesday.

On Sunday, as Ronald's family and friends drove to a cemetery to bury the tiny casket draped in red roses, a motorist barreled into the hearse.

"The first thing the family thought was that something happened to the casket," said funeral home director Bill Whiteside. "That was a part of their family in that car, their son."

Cerrie Blackwood, 32, of Ellenboro, was charged with careless and reckless driving.

Police said Blackwood's car bypassed a sheriff's deputy who had stopped traffic to let the funeral procession pass. The car then jumped a concrete median and struck two other vehicles.

The front end of the hearse was crushed and twisted. Five people were taken to a hospital with minor injuries, including the driver of the hearse and two children in Blackwood's car.

After the collision, police said, a brawl broke out between Blackwood's husband and members of Ronald's family, who live in this town about 15 miles west of Charlotte.

As Ronald's casket was transferred into a second hearse, the bleeding victims of the crash were removed on stretchers. After about 30 minutes, the procession continued to the cemetery.

Hummingbird Nests In Schoolboy's Hair, Won't Budge

CONCORD, Calif. (AP) - An 11-year-old school boy had the bad hair day to end all bad hair days.

When Asaad Liebig went out for recess at Ygnacio Valley Elementary School, he found an apparently dazed young hummingbird on the ground.

"It was sitting there, and it looked lonely, so I picked it up," he said.

He brought the bird into his classroom, but his teacher asked him to take it outside.

The bird would have none of it.

It hopped on Asaad's head, grabbed his hair and refused to budge from its adopted nest.

"It was shocking," the boy said.

After three fruitless hours trying to persuade the young bird to find another nesting site Wednesday only to have the bird return to its hairy perch, teachers plucked it loose and took it to the Alexander Lindsay Museum in Walnut Creek.

Sandy Fender, the museum's wildlife supervisor, said the bird probably tried to fly too soon and fell out of it's own nest. It then settled on Asaad's head because he was the tallest thing around, she said.

Key West Rallies to Save Amorous Pig

KEY WEST, Fla. (AP) - Chi-Chi the potbellied pig is about thisclose to being castrated. His crime: falling in love with another hog - a Harley Davidson.

Chi-Chi tried to have sex with the front wheel of the shiny black motorcycle he found in Walter Wyatt's yard. In the process, the 50-pound beast scratched the paint and tore the bike's fabric cover.

Wyatt's wife, Patricia, saw the whole thing from her kitchen and called police. There was at least $100 damage to the brand-new bike, she said.

Animal control officers say Chi-Chi's fate is pretty much sealed, since state law requires them to neuter all unclaimed strays. Then it's off to a petting zoo.

But not if Wyatt and other residents in this independent-minded city have their way.

"His crime is an alleged sex act against a Harley," Wyatt said Wednesday. "We don't even know if that's a felony!"

A developer has raised $300 for the "Spring Chi-Chi" defense fund.

Wayne Smith, president of the Monroe County Bar Association, is handling the case pro bono. "The punishment could be death or what some males may consider a fate worse than death," Smith said.

A motorcycle salesman was considering offering to let Chi-Chi go hog-wild in his showroom, just to get the lust out of his gut. "Just a night's stay," he said.

And given that Chi-Chi's owner has chosen not to reclaim him, at least one person has offered to adopt the pig - even if there's less of him to love.

The would-be owner wrote to the Chamber of Commerce and ended his letter: "P.S. I have a broken scooter. It's his."

I can not believe my eyes!

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 00:42:23 GMT

No lie....I laughed for like 10 minutes straight.

Check it out!

WARNING: Not Work Safe!

Jim and Edna

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 02:57:11 GMT

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day While they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly Jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the director of Nursing became aware of Edna's heroic act, she considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said,

"Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in his bathroom with the belt to his robe right after you saved him. I am sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.

How soon can I go home?

Funny little kid

Sun, 27 Nov 2005 00:59:30 GMT

Need a good doctor?

Caption this!

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 01:00:38 GMT

Please think up a caption for this photo, and submit it in a comment.

Things that make you go hmmmmm

Tue, 19 Jul 2005 19:01:30 GMT

Have you ever stopped and asked yourself the question, ~~how do homeless people have phone sex? This is just one of the questions that that I have wondered about for quite some time.~~

Ho Noes

Tue, 19 Jul 2005 14:19:45 GMT

Calling Richard Gere!

Tue, 19 Jul 2005 03:54:14 GMT

Where do they come up with these things?

Okay, before you go there, it's not exactly what you're thinking, but it's probably not too far off either.
Needless to say, it's NOT work safe.

Gerbil Boys.Com

A Fashion Poll

Mon, 18 Jul 2005 17:11:06 GMT

I'm not sure what to make of this outfit, so I thought I would put it up to a vote. Please vote, and then discuss. Thank you for your time, and have a good day.

View Poll: Werk the runway gurl!

image courtesy of xgrinch

Sunday Funnies

Sun, 17 Jul 2005 20:33:30 GMT

From : catlike_product
Posted In: fun_gone_awry
Subject: Don't they learn?

"They're at it again. Not only do the religious fanatics come door to door in a futile attempt to convert us, but it appears they've learned to dial the phone as well. 8:41 am Sunday morning. Loretta somebody calls to ask if I have a few minutes to discuss with her the problems going on in the world and the solution to them based wholly upon the power of loving Jesus through prayer. No pun intended.

I responded that, although I'm sure Jesus appreciates her unwavering if not mildly disturbing and morbid devotion, the world's problems might be addressed more efficiently if she got off her sanctimonious ass and stopped expecting a dead Jew to do her job for her. It's not like he got a vote anyway, and even if he had, it only would've served to cancel out hers. Strangely she did not have a few minutes to discuss that with me."

Too much fun!

Sun, 17 Jul 2005 19:16:32 GMT

Thanks dippydawg1932

Oh Chihuahua!

BB6 Live Feeds -- Need Info!

Sun, 17 Jul 2005 07:54:52 GMT

This is mostly directed to flamboyant & memarkw, but anyone else who watches the Big Brother livefeeds on CBS.Com or is a member to any of the BB boards and has info on this situation, PLEASE inform...

I was just got this email from a close friend of mine....

"Lord oh god were you up watching the live Big Brother feeds a little while ago (around 12:30-1am) and saw what happen between Eric, Michael, and Kasar?????? The feeds have been down ever since (its now 2:20am) the producers must be chewing thier asses out and trying to decide weather to kick anyone out....... OH THE DRAMA!"

Thanx!

BB6

Sun, 17 Jul 2005 00:19:25 GMT

OMG...we are only in the first 20 minutes of Big Brother tonight, and there is so much drama already. Whoa!

Don't thank me. Thank Richard.

Sat, 16 Jul 2005 16:42:39 GMT

ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, banana phone.
ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, banana phoooooooooooone.
I've got this feeling.
So appealing.
For us to get together and sing. SING!

Win Amp'n at 3AM

Sat, 16 Jul 2005 08:02:41 GMT

It's Saturday

Mom I'm dyin'
I'm dizzy and fryin'
My throat hurts
I think I should stay in bed

Cause I got some kind of disease
And there are no remedies
Think I should stay in bed today
Maybe tomorrow go out and play
It's Saturday

With Ginseng
And fresh squeezed juice
Of wheat-grass
Oh, and some hot chicken soup
That just might keep me alive
A couple days

But I've got some kind of disease
And there are no remedies
Think I'll join Timothy Leary
In a cryogenic freeze
Next Saturday

Yeah I've got some kind of disease
And there are no remedies
Shoulda listened when you said beware
Of horny girls with New Jersey hair
Last Saturday

Sat, 16 Jul 2005 05:27:03 GMT

Police: Coach paid kid to hurt disabled teammate

Sat, 16 Jul 2005 03:35:37 GMT

PITTSBURGH (AP) -- A T-ball coach allegedly paid one of his players $25 to hurt an 8-year-old mentally disabled teammate so he wouldn't have to put the boy in the game, police said Friday.

Mark R. Downs Jr., 27, of Dunbar, is accused of offering one of his players the money to hit the boy in the head with a baseball, police said. Witnesses told police Downs didn't want the boy to play in the game because of his disability.

Police said the boy was hit in the head and in the groin with a baseball just before a game, and didn't play, police said.

"The coach was very competitive," state police Trooper Thomas B. Broadwater said. "He wanted to win."

Downs has an unpublished telephone number and couldn't immediately be reached for comment Friday. It was unclear whether he had an attorney.

He was arrested and arraigned Friday on charges including criminal solicitation to commit aggravated assault and corruption of minors. He was released from jail on an unsecured bond.

The alleged assault happened June 27 in North Union Township, about 40 miles southeast of Pittsburgh, authorities said.

The boy's mother asked state police to investigate her son's injuries because she suspected Downs wanted to keep the boy off the field, despite a league rule that required each player to participate in three innings a game, Broadwater said.

Eric Forsythe, the president of the R.W. Clark Youth Baseball League, said Downs had two daughters on the T-ball team.

League organizers investigated accusations against Downs before the T-ball season ended earlier this month but could not prove that he did anything wrong. If Downs is convicted of any crime, he won't be allowed to be a coach next year, Forsythe said. The league is not affiliated with Little League International.

Associated Press

I"ve Got The Music In Me / Rain Report

Sat, 16 Jul 2005 00:29:32 GMT

Thanks to cathedralheat for getting a certain song stuck in my head, I decided to trot on over to Real's online music store and look for some tunes that I've been meaning to get. Now at the end of my shopping spree, here's the damage....

Just Want You To Know
Backstreet Boys (shut up! yeah, I know, I'm disappointed in me too)

Ohio (Come Back To Texas)
Bowling For Soup

Get It Poppin'
Fat Joe (feat. Nelly)

Chariot
Gavin DeGraw

American Idot
Holiday/Boulevard Of Broken Dreams
Green Day

Cool
Hollaback Girl
Gwen Stefani

One Word (Chris Cox Club Mix)
Kelly Osbourne

Lose Control
Missy Elliot (feat. Ciara & Fat Man Snoop)

The Hand That Feeds
Nine Inch Nails

Pon De Replay
Rihanna

Untitled
Simple Plan

Don't Phunk With My Heart
The Black Eyed Peas

Mr. Brightside
Somebody Told Me
The Killers

Beverly Hills
Weezer

I've made what I believe to be an interesting observation this afternoon. You know how they say you should never go grocery shopping when you're hungry...Well, I've decided you should never go shopping for music when you're listening to satellite radio's top 40's channel. I've turned the radio off now. I'm not buying anymore. That's right, I pays for my shit!

It's been really dry here for I don't know how long. We've despretly needed rain. Thanks to all the hurricanes and tropical storms floating around, we've been getting our good share of rain here the past couple of days. I've been keeping up with the totals by a rain guage we have sitting outside. The first shower we had yesterday had a reading of 2.5 inches. Then a second shower that came in the evening dropped another inch. Another storm blew through here a couple hours ago, and now that it's stopped I went out to check and see how much we got this time, and it was another 3.5 inches! So 7 inches in 2 days. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I just don't understand how we can be in a such a desperate need for rain for several months, and then suddenly get a decent portion of your average annual rainfall in a span of 2 days.

WTF!?!?

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 06:56:46 GMT

Okay, so I am sitting here working on a project and listening to Sirius Satellite Hits 1 jamming out to some really good tunes when ALL OF A SUDDEN this song fades out and they start playing WILLIAM HUNG - ACHY BREAKY HEART!

Shoot me please. Just put one bullet in the center of my forehead and I'll be all good. WTF!?!?

Big Brother 6

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 00:56:58 GMT

OMG! That's all I'm saying. =Þ